Doors
by Dawn of Chaos
Summary: They say that when one door closes another will open. But for Hotch he never thought he could unlock the next one - that he'd be trapped in that tiny space between them both.


Agent Aaron Hotchner would do anything to keep his team safe as long as it's within his means to do so. And sometimes not. Their safety is his highest concern even if it doesn't look that way to others. Even more so after his life took a devastating turn that leaves him with no one to go home to; no family, no loving wife. No one that asks how he's doing and if he's okay.

But that's okay because he can go to work and be with his team; do his job; make a difference even if it's a tiny one. At least that's what his thought process has struggled to be since he's signed those papers. Even still he feels empty about it all and not only mere hours before their new case he had wondered to himself; was there a way out? A way to _feel_ something after everything that's happened. Something that isn't the strange sensation that has his chest tightening when he's around a certain genius on his team.

He regrets ever letting that thought take form. Regrets pondering on it while reclining in his seat on the pain. Hates that he didn't see any of this coming.

The police station is buzzing like a swarm of bees that have had their hive prodded with a stick. Even Rossi beside him is moving about and trying to gather hard information on what the hell is going on. But Hotch is calm and collected as usual, lips drawn into their ever tight line. He doesn't hesitant in reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling for his phone.

Hotch may look compose, however all he's doing is his mechanical reactions to dire news. He's already dialing Gacia's number as he makes his way to a less noisy part of the room; rather a small little office to the side. Rossi is watching him, keeping him in his sights as he gathers information from any officer that has an inkling of what's happened.

The call goes through but he doesn't give her a chance to speak. "Garcia, there's been a bombing and I need you to contact everyone. We need to figure out who was in the SUV that got hit."

"Sure boss! I'll have it in a jiff!"

He hangs up immediately after and takes a deep breath. He's trying to map it out in his mind's eye, to somehow figure out what's going on. His nerves won't rest until he knows each of his team is safe and out of harm's way. Hotch strides out of the room and heads straight to Rossi.

"Any news?" he asks plainly.

Rossi shakes his head, "Nothing yet. They're all scrambling right now. Police and medical have already been sent out. They should be there soon."

A second later his phone rings and he quickly lifts it to his ear, "Go."

Garcia immediately begins to bombard him with words, along with the sounds of her fingers click and clacking against her keyboard in rapid succession. "I've called everyone. Everyone picked up and said they were fine, and they're heading your way. Except for… Reid. His phone just keeps ringing and goes straight to voice mail."

There's a small pause as she swivels to look at another screen. "I can't get a view of what's happening either. So far no dice from the cameras around the area or anything."

It's then that she pauses abruptly. Hotch isn't saying a word and if she listens harder she doesn't even hear breathing on the other end of the line.

"Hotch…?"

"Call me when you have new information." He hangs up and avoids Rossi's gaze. "She can't get a hold of Reid. The others are coming here."

Hotch doesn't say anything else before he turns curtly on his heel and heads for the room they had set up in. The same little office he had just left. He just knows he has to get away from everyone - _everything_. Nothing is right and he feels as though his heart will stop beating or beat out of his chest at any minute.

To be honest, he wants to get into a car and drive straight to the site this instance. But he can't. He's the leader here and if he goes rushing headlong into danger it'll only jeopardize everything. He has to be patient. He has to have faith.

That's easier to say than do.

Especially as he shuts the door with a soft click, almost inaudible before leaning against the wall next to it. A loud, desperate sigh drags out over his lips as he draws a hand up to his face. He just can't believe this is happening. Sure, situations like this always arise now and then especially in their line of work.

But this time is different. He's different.

He's a strong man in many ways. Coping with his divorce from Haley, allowing things to work out as they may, he knows things are never cut and dry. He just never expected to start having feelings for the younger man. Due to fraternization rules he had squashed each and every flutter his heart would make down into a deep dark hole, covering it up and burying it.

Yet… if this is how it all ends and he last time he'll see Reid is when he got into that SUV?

Hotch leans his head back, glaring up at the ceiling and the way the bright pale light stretches out across it from the fixture. He's angry; sad; frustrated; worried. Nothing is going right and he won't accept that the person he's begun to care about will never know how he feels - rules be damned.

The quietness is something he's thankful for; he hears the many sets of footsteps rushing to the room. Hotch is quick to swallow hard past the lump in his throat and his dry mouth. By the time the door is opening he's at the head of the table with the vanilla folders and obscene amount of papers all strewn out before him. His sleek phone sits on one before him, silently begging for Garcia to call with good news.

One by one his colleagues file into the room; Rossi, Morgan, Prentiss. They all give their own signs as they enter and take their places around the table: a nod here, eye contact there, and both at the same time. They notice the one missing link - Reid. All eyes are on Hotch while his mind is processing the same line of thought over and over again.

Reid can't die until he's at least told Reid how he feels.

The bland ring of the cell phone on the table pierces the air like a carving knife through butter. No one dares take a breath or say a word as Hotch answers and immediately puts it on speaker. "Garcia," he says simply, strained even, to give her the go ahead to relay any and all information she's gathered.

"It's probably before for her to tell you; I've got an ambulance personnel on the other line who's with Reid at the moment. I'll go ahead and patch her through."

There's a brief moment of silence before suddenly there's noise emitting from the speaker; all the sounds of a siren, orders and equipment rustling about in the background. The voice of a woman finally breaks through it all.

"Ah, yes, I'm with the man found at the scene. He's taken a blown to the head and one of his arteries is severed. Any longer and he would have bled out. We'll do whatever we can to save him."

It cuts off and Garcia is back, "I have the address of the hospital they're taking him to and I'll get it sent to your phones in one… second. There."

There's a chorus of 'bing' as the messages roll in. But they don't take their eyes off of their leader - the one person that's supposed to remain unfazed no matter what happens around him; the rock in the midst of the storm. Yet there he stands, barely at that, clutching onto the edge of the table. Hotch looks as though he could faint at any second and obviously seems to be taking it the worst.

While the rest of them are admittedly distraught with the information, it shows the most in Hotch's eyes not in the way Prentiss's eyes dart about worriedly. Or Morgan as he flexes his hand and his jaw tightens. Not even Rossi as he walks over to Hotch.

"Thanks, Garcia. Keep looking for information on what happened."

"Can do, sir."

Rossi reaches over, ending the call since Hotch doesn't seem like he can remove his hands from their strangle hold on the table. His eyes can read the situation just like the other two sets in the room. They're trained and studied for this - they know what subtle and not so subtle signs to look for in all different kinds of situations. This one just isn't that hard to pin down.

Hotch has more than just friendly feelings for the currently dying man. At first no one knows what to do. Hotch is hardly the person to bring personal affairs into the midst unless suddenly they're right there and forced out in the open. Both go to take a step closer but Rossi obviously has it under control.

It's a simple sentiment as he reaches up, patting Hotch on the back and allowing his hand to linger until Hotch's grip loosens considerably. "Reid's too stubborn to die, too much to do here still," he says warmly, hoping to relieve some of the stress that's weighing on Hotch.

Of course he knows just what to do to get Hotch to breathe again. Slowly the tension eases out to an amount that their leader can comfortably handle. Although he won't truly feel the least bit better until he can stand their and see that Reid is okay.

-0-o-0-

By the time everyone is sitting in the waiting room of the hospital they're all exhausted. It's as usual after such an intense case that leaves them all craving that plane ride home where they can curl up in their seats. Well, perhaps everyone aside from Hotch.

He's agitated, nervous, scared and everything else in between. Being powerless is nothing to laugh at and it's killing him to have to wait for news. While the others are sitting in the chairs or on the couch lining the walls, Hotch is pacing.

 _Click. Thud. Click. Thud._

If his team was daring and the situation wasn't life threatening they'd tell him how dizzying it is to watch him walk to and fro. But instead they keep their eyes searching for the doctor that will grace them with their presence soon. After all a nurse did come by to tell them it wouldn't be much longer.

Not that, that helped Hotch any. In fact it only made his pace quicken and his hands find their way into his pockets, clenching at the fabric. He's both ready and not to hear the news. Doctors always go over everything that happened. Even though Hotch would care not to hear about the nitty gritty at the moment. He just wants Reid to be alive and okay - stable and there.

Finally they all look up and over to the door, Hotch freezing mid step to watch it open. An older, more seasoned doctor from the looks of it, shuts the door gently and walks over to the group. To which Hotch follows, of course. The doctor makes sure to meet each of their eyes before he begins.

"First off, you should know that he'll be alright. It's still a miracle that Dr. Reid survived. We managed to fix his artery, however it was touch and go. He also coded twice during surgery and lost a lot of blood, but we were able to bring him back and get him stabilized. He's going to have a bit of brain damage, but seems coherent. In fact, he was asking if his team was here."

The doctor tries to figure it out before he lets it slip and meets Hotch's eyes for a brief moment. His years of work must have made it easy for him to spot the one he's looking for.

"He keeps asking for an Agent Hotchner."

"That's me," replies Hotch. Although to himself it sounds weak and small - not that it is. But he almost can't contain what's happening inside as the doctor turns around.

"He's awake and is fine with having a visitor, but keep it light."

Hotch nods, far too eager to get in that room, before turning slowly and striding to the door. He can't breathe freely until he's standing before the now closed entry with his eyes dancing wildly about the room. The wires and machines atop the stark white and light pastel has him noticing Reid even more than he would normally. Well, before he realized he had feelings for the man anyways.

As he slowly moves to Reid's bedside he can't help but notice all of the bandages wrapped around his head, neck and legs. It's heartbreaking in every sense of the word to see the usually lively young man confined to the bed with exhaustion in his eyes. Those very same eyes lift and look at Hotch, lips parting only to close. He's trying to choose his words and to be honest Hotch doesn't know what to say either.

"I'm.. Sorry," says Reid.

It takes Hotch by surprise but he tries nonetheless to play the dutiful leader that cares about his teammate's wellbeing. "There's nothing to be sorry for. The important thing is that you're alright now."

"Did you finish the case?"

Hotch nods, albeit feeling odd about having too look down on him and the somber gaze. "Yes, everything is wrapped up," he replies.

Reid turns his eyes away at that, gluing them to the off white ceiling. He's not sure what to say. He _is_ tired after all and the pain medication that he's been given has his head a little foggy still. It's the reason why he doesn't realize that the walls around Hotch's strict demeanor are tumbling down - unable to stay up.

Quite literally too.

Hotch kneels next to the bed, taking the genius' hand in both of his own. His forehead touches the sheets as he takes a deep albeit shaky breath. Of course that's when Reid finally notices that Hotch is hardly himself at the moment. Confusion flares up through his mind as he reaches with his other hand only to stop, "H- … Hotch?"

"I never want to lose you," he suddenly blurts out.

The heartfelt declaration has Reid trying to figure it out while at the same time pulling his hand free. He doesn't know what's going on and his exhaustion is keeping him from keeping up with what's happening. At least, as well as he would have been.

Hotch allows Reid to pull his hand free but only because he rises back to his feet. There's desperation in Hotch's eyes and Reid struggles to find the right words. "I… What are you talking about? I mean I know what you said and since what's happened I can see why you said it. But I don't-"

Reid isn't allowed to finish his flustered ramble. Hotch is already leaning down and capturing Reid's lips in a passionate kiss, one that pours all of his bubbling feelings into it. After a moment Hotch pulls away, confident but still a little unsteady beneath the surface.

He's at a loss for words as he stares up at Hotch and how the latter goes to remove his hands off the bed. Reid doesn't let him, responding quickly despite the lengthy silence that's growing between them.

"I guess.. My near death experience will finally let me have what I always wanted."

Hotch pauses, eyebrows raising as he's unsure by what that means while at the same time knowing exactly where Reid is going with this. Testing this, Hotch reaches over and brushes some of Reid's hair away from his face. There's a minuscule smile that tugs at the corners of his lips.

"Sorry it put you in the hospital. I'll make sure that happens again."

Reid gives a slight shake of his head, "It's fine, it was worth it in the end."

Hotch glances over his shoulder before giving Reid's shoulder a gentle pat, "You should get some rest. I'll let the others know you'll be fine."

"Will you stay?"

That is what has a real smile finally touching Hotch's countenance. He gives Reid a quick peck to his forehead, "I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere while I'm gone."

Reid smiles back, "Wouldn't if I could."

-0-o-0-

It's been several weeks since the whole incident and Hotch is glad that it's well behind them. Reid, thankfully having survived, is on his mind even more than before. He's far more well aware of the fact that at any moment he can lose the one thing he's trying desperately to reach.

Hotch had originally visited Reid every day; be it morning or evening. At least while he was still recovering at home, unable to come into work just yet. It was best to keep him out of the field after such a large ordeal. Not that Hotch minded at first as he eagerly took advantage of the time they could spend together.

That is… even though Reid did most the talking. Still, Hotch soaked up every possible second. He'd never take anyone's presence for granted ever again.

Especially since Reid is returning to work in two days. He's finally cleared to be out with them and he's re-cooperated well. In fact he could have come in sooner if it wasn't for Hotch pushing to make sure. Which is why he's currently sitting next to Reid on the couch, the latter with a book in his hand. Hotch comes under the guise some nights that he needs to rest and usually ends up nodding off.

But right now his mind is racing as he sneaks a glance over to the younger man. His dark eyes peer past the short tresses to those eyes that absorb every word that's on the pages. Finally he swallows past the lump in his throat, "Reid?"

"I'm okay. Really. The doctor said I've been fit enough and able to handle going back to work a week ago."

Hotch quickly looks away at that. Reid isn't stupid - far from it. That and he _does_ talk with the others too. He's certainly discovered that Hotch has purposefully kept him out. Hotch sinks back against the couch. "I just wanted to make sure you were healed."

There's a small thud that draws Hotch's attention. Reid closes the book and lets it thunk softly against the petite table next to him. Pivoting ever so slightly where he sits, he faces Hotch full on with the determined gaze that Hotch knows all too well. Neither say a word until Reid reaches out - a mighty leap for him.

One of his hands is taken in by both of Reid's and it's in that moment that he leans forward with a slight curve of his lips. Reid has never been one to deal with his feelings easily. In fact he doesn't get very touchy-feely either. But this one little motion has Hotch realizing there's some form of reciprocation there.

Hotch pulls him down and slips his hand free before twining their fingers together once Reid's head is safely on his lap. "Sorry… I know you're more than capable to handle yourself. If you need anything let me know."

"Of course, Hotch."

The fingers laced with his relax and Hotch finds himself content. He'll take this for what it is at the moment. No rushing only to stumble and fall. "What were you reading?"

Immediately Reid goes to start babbling about the extremely thick, hard covered book. However, Hotch stops him instead. "Actually, how about I make something to eat for us."

His hand combs up through Reid's hair and when he doesn't get a knee jerk reaction, he waits for Reid to sit up. "Do I get to pick?" he asks as he leaves the safety of Hotch's lap - having been comfortable and at ease while at the same time strange while being there.

Hotch stands up, leading Reid to follow by tugging gently on the hand he still has a hold of, "Only if you help."

Reid seems to mull over this before giving a nod and dutifully following after Hotch. Because whether he knows it or not, there's the skip of a beat that his heart makes every time Hotch has given him this special attention. He never thought he'd garner Hotch's attention like this and he doesn't mind it in the least.

Especially not when Hotch stays still and turns to him, a smile on that strong countenance of his. It's a sight that Reid loves to see since it's so rare while they're working. As usual it's accompanied by Hotch leaning down until his lips brush over Reid's forward, a silent question. Reid looks up at him, having slowly grown accustomed to his mannerisms lately, and welcomes the kiss that waits for him.

The moment doesn't last very long at all. It's a chaste little peck on the lips that has both of their hearts thrumming loud in their ears. There eyes remain locked until finally Hotch turns away, tugging Reid towards the kitchen once more. Because there's no telling what tomorrow is going to bring and they're going to enjoy every second they have.


End file.
